My wife is a scalding hot German woman with two master’s degrees and a smile so stunning it could stop your heart. I have absolutely no motivation to give out dating advice, especially when it might help young German men get a little extra honey on their stingers.

Consuming the traditional German diet is like getting down on your knees and praying for a heart attack.

The abundance of meat, bread and beer certainly hasn’t made any sexier, so what the hell man? Maybe it’s greater emphasis on walking and cycling as means of daily transportation.

I've been hearing my girlfriends discuss their wins and losses with a variety of online-dating phone apps, so I'm breaking down the newest means of tech-based courtship.

sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive " data-medium-file="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=300" data-large-file="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=798" class="wp-image-11734 size-large" src="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=798&h=536" alt="sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive" srcset="https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=798&h=536 798w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=150&h=101 150w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=300&h=202 300w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/sexy-german-man-hand-down-pants-suggestive.jpg? w=768&h=516 768w, https://ohgodmywifeisgerman.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/1024w" sizes="(max-width: 798px) 100vw, 798px" / Here’s the deal: I am a straight, married, American expat from Portland, Oregon, now living in Hannover, Germany. This is why, years later, single life and the one-night stands which go along with it are about as interesting to me as white hot birdshit.

All I know is young German dudes tend to have awesome bodies.

Six pack abs are everywhere, as are broad shoulders and sculpted jawlines.

And if this is the moment when you decide to be a smart ass and google the average height between Germans and Americans only to find the difference minuscule, you can take those statistics and cram ’em: Here in northern Germany, dudes between the ages of 16 and 35 are tall .

I see them every single day, and their genetic good fortune pisses me off.

Something about forcing the brain to switch between languages makes it more flexible and dynamic.